yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
foreskin is a definite game changer
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
