she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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