Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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