I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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