He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
