My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
