??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
