Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
