Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
