the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
