Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
