Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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