The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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