I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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