Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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