Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
