He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Edward fifth and chaser hands
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
