I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
