Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
