Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize