my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Text me some of your sweat
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
