Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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