Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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