do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
