Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
