Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
