I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
