well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you win again, gameday.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
