you guys were way drunker than both of me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
