I will die if light touches me.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
