literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
