So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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