So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
