A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
