How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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