his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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