Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
