you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My feet surprised me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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