the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
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I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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