when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
