It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
