By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
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it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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