He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
