I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
...so i touched it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
