never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
