Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head