Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
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Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
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I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives