I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
