i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.