I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
