Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
