Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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