I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
