When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
