I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
