whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
