we have pet lesbian snakes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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