it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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