Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Farmville is her only friend.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize