He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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