smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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