How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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