im so drunk with asians
where?
always
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
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