we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
