mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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