So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
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Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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