How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
