I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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