Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
