...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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