when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
