The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
