The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
