shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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