there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
