I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How external is "for external use only"?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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