I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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